Jan 042015

Pedro from Primal Hardwere

– Made from silicone
– Extremely unique
– Great for girth lovers
– Discreet
– Might be too large
– A little awkward for thrusting


Pedro - full image

-About Pedro-

Pedro from Primal Hardwere is a fantastic piece of silicone molded in the shape of a familiar succulent – a cactus.  And not just your standard, run of the mill, we’re stranded in the desert kind of cactus.  Nope.  This one is potted.  Potted for your personal indoor or outdoor pleasure.

Like most people, the desire to shove a cactus into your vagina or anus is strong (or maybe not..), but the idea of little spines poking into your delicate private parts is not.  Fortunately for you, Primal Hardwere heard your cries (perhaps literally) and created this super fantastic dildo.  Molded from a San Pedro cactus, you can fulfill your fantasy without having to explain why you’re writhing in pain at the nearest emergency room.  Though I’m not quite sure Hallmark has a ‘thank you’ card quite suitable for this situation, I’m sure placing an order is appreciation enough.

Pedro is made entirely from silicone which is a body safe, latex free, phthalate free, non-porous material.  Silicone is fantastic because it’s easy to clean and care for, and will last a lifetime with proper care.  Soap and water is all you need for regular use, but it can also be sterilized if you’re sharing or switching orifices.  You can boil for a few minutes, use a 10% bleach solution, or put it in your dishwasher.  Being silicone, it’s best to use with a water-based lubricant since sometimes silicone-based lubes and silicone products react poorly to each other.

Pedro - material giveThe surface is somewhere between matte and shiny.  It picks up lint and does drag across the skin without lube, but is easy to manage.  The silicone is a perfect medium softness which provides some give without it being floppy and difficult to use.  Since the insertable portion of the dildo is so thick, this also makes it more comfortable.  It doesn’t feel as large as a firm material would in the same shape and size.

The details of this dildo are genuinely impressive.  From a distance, mixed in with other succulents or houseplants, I’m not sure someone would be able to tell it wasn’t real.  At the very least, it’s unassuming, which certainly makes it discreet.  People often have fake plants in their home, so even if someone noticed, it’s not like there’s anything about it that screams, “I’ve been thrust inside someone’s body!”.

The dimples where you’d typically find spines, the shape, even the terracotta pot as the base looks unnaturally realistic.  Had the green been a more realistic shade, and if they had the ability to make the top of the pot look like there was sand/soil in it, I’m not sure anyone would even question it.

Pedro - surface texture/realism

Pedro - size comparison to handPedro might not be girthy for a cactus, but it is for a dildo.  The thickest insertable area has a circumference of 8 1/8″, and the unique shape certainly holds your attention.  The overall length is 9 1/4″ and can be inserted about 6 1/2″.  The center of the pot is 10 3/8″ around, so you can imagine how heavy this dildo starts to feel after you’ve been using it for a while.  For that reason, I wish there was a suction cup base so it could be used hands free, but the weight makes it possible to ride without requiring the use of both hands.

The dildo arrives sealed in a clear plastic bag with no markings.  It doesn’t come with a pouch and the plastic bag can’t be resealed, so you’ll need to figure out a storage solution.  It will, however, fit in a gallon sized Ziploc if your living situation prevents you from keeping it out and near a window.

-What I liked-

Pedro - standing, full imageI’m a huge fan of sex toys that are cleverly disguised as things you’d commonly see around someone’s home.  I love the novelty of it, but even more than that, it’s just plain fun to fuck yourself with something that seems so naturally innocent.

I love that the base of Pedro is a plant pot rather than a simple circle made to look like sand or soil.  To me, it takes the toy to a whole new level.  I could put it in my bedroom window, and no one from the outside would think it was anything but an actual cactus.  It stands easily on a flat surface, so I don’t have to worry about it randomly falling over, and looks more natural being left out than most silicone dildos I own.

The shape took some getting used to, but once I was able to find my way around it, I was able to enjoy the full feeling it provides.  The texture of the dimples is extremely subtle, but the overall shape is pretty aggressive.  It was way too much for me at first, even after warming up with several other toys and reapplying lube half a dozen times.  I had to use the dildo on a few separate occasions to start appreciating the shape, but once I found the right rhythm it was fantastic.

Though it would work much better with a suction cup, I was pleased to find the weight allowed me to rest it on a chair and ride when my arms needed a break.  This was quite necessary since the dildo is quite hefty.

-What I didn’t like-

I love the pot for display purposes, but it can be very uncomfortable to hold when thrusting.  Not only is the dildo heavy, but you’re holding onto a thick base the whole time you’re masturbating.  I have some trouble with my hands/wrists and trying to grip something of this size for an extended period of time can become very uncomfortable.  Using two hands at the same time does help, but being plus sized makes that position awkward and sometimes difficult to do for longer than a few minutes.  So while I love the pot aesthetically, it misses the mark during use.


This dildo makes me happy.  Plain and simple.  It’s one of those products that requires a lot of warm up (so it’s used less often than some), but always brings a smile to my face.  It’s unique and interesting, fun to squish, and a delight to display.  If you’re looking for something a little out of the ordinary, enjoy girthy toys, and love supporting smaller companies/artisans, I highly recommend checking out Primal Hardwere and investing in your own Pedro!


Pedro was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an unbiased review.  This is in compliance with FTC guidelines.

  5 Responses to “Review: Pedro from Primal Hardwere”

  1. This is pretty sweet, but would be too big for me. Also the pot may be in the way and since I used a lot of toys camming I don’t think my members would enjoy it too much if they were not able to see well.


  3. Dude those inadequate objects are freakin me out! And they are huge! HUGE!

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