Jul 162014

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy


-The Facts-

Title: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (2nd Edition)
Author: Violet Blue
Publishing Company: Cleis Press
Trade Paper 
ISBN 978-1-62778-041-4 
6 x 9, 288 pages

Sexual fantasies come in all shapes and sizes; romantic and sweet, to dark and perhaps disturbing.  The fact is – we all have them.  The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy contains twelve chapters (with resources at the end) covering a broad range of information that help you understand your fantasies, how to talk to your partner about them, and even how to turn them into reality.

Each chapter touches on a certain area of sexual fantasy, and is written in a way that’s easy to read and understand.  It’s primarily directed toward straight women, but refers to male readers and same sex couples as well.  As long as you read it with an open mind, it’s easy to see how the information could be applied to anyone.

This book can easily be appreciated by those just beginning to explore their fantasies, and by those who’ve been acting on them for years.  Some of the information might seem a little basic, but being the Ultimate Guide, it’s kind of important to cover as much as possible.  Sprinkled throughout each section are helpful tips, plenty of examples, and most chapters even end with a sexy short written by Alison Tyler.

-My Thoughts-

I’m a very sexual person, and have my fair share of fantasies.  However, my husband and I aren’t great when it comes to communication, so discussing them hasn’t been a major priority.  The more I read this book, the more I wanted us both to open up, and share some of the scenarios that really get us going.

The first chapter really explains what fantasies are, why we have them, and how to deal with negative emotions that might surround them.  It also lists 15 of the most common fantasies people have, and explains a little about them.  This is a basic list and includes things like public places, being restrained, and multiple partners.  There’s a lot of reassurance, here and throughout the book, that fantasies are natural, and even healthy to explore and have.  I was pleased to see she touched on how to handle fantasies that make someone feel guilty or troubled, as that’s a major concern for many.

Each chapter from there seems to dive deeper, bringing up more powerful and complex situations.  The second chapter is about enjoying your fantasies alone, but most of the others surround scenarios that include a partner (or more than one).  The fifth chapter discusses including another person (or people) in your sexual adventures, and I was pleased to see jealousy and safe words were an important part of this section.

Even fantasies I’m familiar with (and have myself) were brought to a new light in several chapters.  A lot of examples are given that really encourages the reader to imagine something new.  But don’t worry if you’re still unsure or feel like you lack imagination.  The 4th chapter discusses role play, and goes into amazing detail about what your character might wear – helping to eliminate some fears or concerns you might have (especially if it’s your partner’s fantasy).

As with any guide book, some chapters won’t be right for everyone.  There are a few that might even be off limits in some relationships, but could be the perfect thing to bring some added excitement to others.  Chapter seven is all about sharing the experience of a strip club, phone sex, or call girls with your partner, chapter eight is about getting frisky in public places, chapter nine is all about fetishes, and chapter ten is about S/M fantasies.

It’s easy to see why this is the Ultimate Guide, because it touches on so many relevant topics.  I really enjoyed reading this book because it encouraged me to open up to my husband, and even provided me with a few new ideas.  I felt more comfortable exploring my fantasies, and opening up about them turned a regular evening steamy pretty fast.

Whether you’re looking for a book to read on your own or with a partner, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is an awesome choice.  Some of the information is repetitive or might be too basic, but there’s sure to be a little something to discover throughout.

Below you’ll find an exclusive excerpt to help you get an even better understanding of what this book has to offer:

Speak softly by lowering the volume and the pitch. Try a sentence in a low whisper, deeper than your normal voice. Then try it louder and still deeper. Next, hum, keeping your mouth closed. now speak the sentence in your low whisper, but with the same resonance as the hum. You’ll use these different techniques to find the sexy voice that works best for you (and to gauge your volume over any background music). During sex, you’ll be speaking in an unrushed tempo in your sexy, low voice. Ask your partner a few questions, and match their response in timing, volume, and urgency. You’ll tune right into their arousal.

But what do you say during dirty talk? Because hot talk relies on your own creativity, figuring out what to say can be daunting. Describing a fantasy—which takes guts and a sense of adventure—is one of the simplest and most delicious ways to spice up sex. If you don’t know where to start, let someone else provide the words—pick up an erotic short-story collection that focuses on fantasies for couples and borrow a fantasy. Read erotica, look for dirty stories online, and make a note of whatever turns you on.

From the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, 2nd Ed., by Violet Blue

About the author
VIOLET BLUE is the best-selling author of numerous sex-instruction books and editor of top-notch erotica anthologies; she also writes about erotica, pornography, and sexual pleasure and health for various magazines, and is the creator of the popular podcast Open Source Sex. She lives in San Francisco.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is available in Paperback form through Cleis Press, and on Amazon.com in both Paperback and Kindle editions.


The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an unbiased review.  This is in compliance with FTC guidelines.

  4 Responses to “Review: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy”

  1. It is hard when you are talking to your partners about fantasies, but I always put them out there and if they don’t want to try then so be it. This sounds like a great book to read.

  2. I’d like to read this book. I’m single right now, but practicing communication is never a bad thing!

  3. I may have to check this out! I always enjoyed Violet’s Open Source Sex podcast, and this sounds like a pretty handy little read!

  4. Super review! I agree with you. I’m big on fantasy but there is still a lot to learn in this book, and I really enjoy it. I think an especially good section is the information on STD’s at the back. It clearly and thoroughly lists STD’s/STI’s and the risks for each.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>