Aug 102013

The Ultimate Guide To Prostate Pleasure

-The Facts-


Title: The Ultimate Guide To Prostate Pleasure
Authors: Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian
Publishing Company: Cleis Press
Trade Paper
ISBN 978-1-57344-904-5
6 x 9, 368 pages

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure is a great resource for those who are interested in learning more about their own prostate and for those who are looking for ways to pleasure their prostate wielding partners.  Written by sex educators Charlie Glickman (who has a PhD) and Aislinn Emirzian, they cover everything from the absolute basics, to in depth information on the prostate and how it works.  This easy to follow book makes you feel more like you’re listening to a good (and educated) friend than reading a boring guide.  Whether you’re hearing about prostate pleasure for the very first time, or you’ve been enjoying prostate stimulation for years, there’s at least a little something for everyone to learn.

Here, I’ll be taking each chapter and breaking it down to give you a good feel of what’s covered.  I’m obviously only covering the basics, but it should at least give you an idea on what this book covers.

Before Chapter 1, there’s a forward by Carol Queen, PhD, and an introduction.  The forward mostly just talks about how male anal pleasure is still a pretty taboo subject and that all men deserve to have the right information that will deliver this type of pleasure.  The introduction gives you a brief look about what the book contains, how it came together, and actually discusses for a moment the language that’s used in the book; proper terms vs slang.  A lot of attention was paid to making sure this book would appeal to and reach a very diverse audience, and it shows.

Most of this book was written directly to someone who has a prostate, with a few areas for those of us who don’t.  However, it’s very easy to follow and understand even if you’re reading this book to help understand your partner’s body better.

Throughout the book, there are little quotes from men who took part in a study/survey and grey boxes that section off an important part of the chapter.  These areas come up here and there and highlight something that should be slightly set apart from the rest of the chapter.

Chapter 1: Before We Start: Frequently Asked Questions

This chapter really covers some of the very basic questions that someone new to prostate play would want to know.  It’s geared more toward those who only have a little experience or no experience with this type of stimulation since a lot of the questions asked refer to what might happen during play.  These are the questions covered:

  • “So my prostate gland is…up my ass?”
  • “Isn’t it messy?”
  • “Doesn’t it hurt?”
  • “If a man is being penetrated, doesn’t that mean he’s gay/effeminate/being dominated?”
  • “Won’t people think I’m weird?”
  • “My partner won’t be into that”
  • “My cock is all I need to get off”
  • “I had a prostate exam at the doctor’s and it didn’t feel good at all!”
  • “Are there health risks?”
  • “That all sounds great, but I still don’t know how to find my prostate!”

By the end of this chapter, a beginner should have learned that it’s totally acceptable to want and enjoy this type of play, and should have a lot of their concerns eliminated, especially ones that deal with what others would think.  There are also some tips and information about keeping things clean and safe.  Even if you’ve experienced prostate stimulation, you might not want to skip this chapter since you still may learn something new.

Chapter 2: The Sexy Prostate

This section gets a little more informational, even for those who participate in prostate play already.  It describes a little bit about how it’s an erogenous much like the penis, testicles, and areas of the female anatomy, and makes a point to state that everyone’s experience will vary because not everyone enjoys the same things.  It also discusses what the prostate does during arousal, what different types of stimulation can feel like, and the different ways you can potential orgasm from it.  Covering all bases, there’s even a grey box that discusses how transgender women have prostates too and have varying thoughts on it.  The sections of this chapter are:

  • A Little-Known Pleasure Zone
  • A Unique Sensation
  • Prostate Orgasm
  • Lingering on the Brink
  • Multiple Orgasms
  • The Prostate’s Role in Anal Pleasure
  • Other Reasons to Enjoy Prostate Stimulation

Chapter 3: What Is the Prostate?

This is where we start to get a little bit into the medical side of things.  This section discusses what the role of the prostate it, what it does, how it’s all connected, and how it works.  The prostate is compared to a walnut or a small plum when describing the size and feeling of it, and we learn about the similarities between prostate and G-spot stimulation.  While this chapter gets a little deeper into how things work, it remains very easy to read and follow.  There’s a lot of information to take in, but it’s spelled out in pretty simple terms, and even contains diagrams which serve as maps to the male anatomy.

  • Prostate Anatomy
  • Phases of Ejaculation
  • The Male G-Spot?
  • About Nerves

Chapter 4: Hygiene

You guessed it, this chapter is all about steps you can take to feel safe, clean, and secure about your playtime.  The number one concern for men of all sexual orientation; being scared of the mess associated with anal pleasure.  Naturally any type of anal exploration can lead to accidental messes, and this section gives you tips and ideas to help eliminate that risk, and also helps you to come to terms with the anxiety surrounding it.

  • Quick Tips for More Hygienic Anal Play
  • Enemas
  • Safer Sex Barriers
  • Hair Removal

Chapter 5: Penetration 101

All the previous chapters have been in preparation for this one.  Now that you have an idea of what you need and how it may feel, you’re ready for penetration.  You’ll learn the importance of starting out by penetrating yourself (making sure your nails are trimmed, you’re lubricated well, etc), how to relax your mind, body, and sphincters, and what you should do if penetration is uncomfortable.

  • The Prostate and Then Some
  • Penetration: The Basics
  • If It Hurts
  • Slow and Steady Wins the Race
  • Making It Feel Good

Chapter 6: Searching for “the Magic Button”

Finding the prostate isn’t the only important thing to consider when you’re starting off with exploring.  It’s important to note that even once you’ve located the prostate, it might not be stimulating to you.  Keeping your expectations reasonable is very important.  You might not experience mind blowing pleasure the first time, but that doesn’t mean you should give up either.  There are lots of way to relax your body and mind and this chapter covers them.  You’ll read about the dos and don’ts of arousal, how to strengthen your PC muscles (and how to find them), and various feelings you may experience while you’re exploring.

  • Finding It Is Not Just About Location
  • The Mind-Body Connection
  • Realistic Expectations
  • Learning to Receive
  • Arousal
  • To Stroke, or Not to Stroke (Your Cock)
  • Rewiring
  • Open to the Sensation
  • Two Approaches: Tantra and Fantasy
  • What You Might Feel

Chapter 7: Find It: Locating the Gland

Before you even penetrate yourself, it’s important to have everything set up and ready where you need it, and to minimize distractions.  There’s a little checklist that gives you a good idea of what you should have with you prior to exploring.  This chapter has great information on self exploration, including positions and what to feel for, but also covers a lot when it comes to having your partner there with you.  Speaking with your partner about your physical and emotional feelings, positions that are great for partner play, and even has a section dedicated to the partner preforming the action.  This was especially helpful to me since I’m the female in the relationship looking for ways to help stimulate my male partner.

  • Set the Scene
  • Solo Exploration: Locate the Prostate
  • Feeling for It: Guided Solo Exploration
  • Partnered Exploration: Locate the Prostate

Chapter 8: Bringing Up the Topic: A Guide for Him and Her

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship and are interested in prostate massage but haven’t brought it up yet to your partner, this chapter is for you.  It helps to understand why there’s hesitation around asking about, ways it’s beneficial to your relationship to both experience penetration, how to bring up the conversation, and how to respond if your partner doesn’t have the same interest in it.  This is a relatively short chapter, but makes a lot of excellent points.

  • Why Guy-Girl Couples Are Enjoying Prostate Play
  • The Benefits of Taking Turns
  • Reasons for Hesitation
  • Open the Conversation
  • Be Flexible

Chapter 9: Prostate Massage

Full of illustrations, this chapter has a lot of information about technique and is geared toward those looking to provide stimulation to their partner.  You learn about paying attention to the pressure applied, the importance of rhythm (especially when also stimulating the penis), and paying close attention to the way your partner is reacting and asking them when you’re unsure.  Starting off with one or two fingers (or a small toy) and slow, gentle pressure is best at first.  Always build up to more finger, larger toys, and faster and firmer stimulation.  Your partner will be more receptive if you begin that way.  The last part of this chapter is about fisting (building up to inserting your entire hand), how to start, what to pay attention to, and what to do if things go wrong.

  • What Is Prostate Massage?
  • Tips for Combining with Cock Play
  • How Many Fingers?
  • Massage Strokes
  • Fisting

Chapter 10: The “Sweet Spot”: Massaging the Perineum

A lot of people aren’t aware of the fact that you can massage the prostate externally.  It’s a much more indirect sensation, and is a little trickier to find, but it’s very possible.  This chapter will give you ideas on how to find the sweet spot through the perineum and tips on how to stimulate the area.  There’s a short section dedicated to those trying to pleasure their partner this way as well.

  • Why the Sweet Spot Feels Good
  • Finding the Sweet Spot
  • Find Your Own
  • Partner Massage
  • I Don’t Feel Anything

Chapter 11: Toys

If you’re familiar with sex toys (especially anal/prostate stimulators), this chapter probably won’t contain a lot of new information for you.  However, if anal toys are new to you, this is a very important section to read!  Using a toy vaginally is very different than using it anally and you need to take extra precautions to play safely.  You learn all about how to play safely, what types of toys/toy materials to consider, and it even throws out some company names to look into.

  • Lube
  • Toy Tips
  • Butt Plugs
  • Made with the Prostate in Mind
  • G-Spot Toys
  • Vibrators
  • Dildos
  • Strap-on Harnesses for Him and Her
  • Inflatables
  • Electrostim
  • Urethral Sounds
  • Toy Materials and Cleaning

Chapter 12: Anal Sex and Strap-on Fucking

This chapter is all about motion and position.  Geared toward both homosexual couples and heterosexual couples using a strap-on, you learn about which positions work best for prostate stimulation in general, keeping in mind that everyone’s experience will vary.  Along with explaining the movements and positions, this chapter is also equipped with some illustrations that help understand them better.

  • Technique
  • Positions
  • Pegging: Strap-on Sex for Guy-Girl Couples

Chapter 13: Real Men Don’t

Here we read all about ‘The Box’.  Whether you’ve heard it called that before or not, I can guarantee you’ve experienced it.  This chapter focuses on more of a mental/emotional handling of anal penetration.  How it can be uncomfortable to consider it if you’re a straight man because of the stigma attached to the enjoyment of being penetrated.  Many men have an emotional battle with feeling like it might make them seem like less of a man if they enjoy this type of play, but several points are brought up that should set lots of minds at ease.

  • Does It Makes Me Less of a Man?
  • The “Act Like a Man” Box
  • Outside the Box Is a Scary Place
  • Why the Box Is Nonsense
  • Picking and Choosing from the Box
  • Back to Prostate Play
  • It’s Up to you

Chapter 14: Prostate Health

This chapter covers a few different health concerns surrounding the prostate, what the symptoms are, and how they’re treated.  You also learn some great tips to prevent infection from occurring in the first place (some you probably already know or could guess), and it gives you a good look at what prostate cancer is and what it’s like after treatment.

  • Prostatitis
  • Prostate Heath Tips
  • Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH)
  • Prostate Cancer
  • Sex after Prostate Cancer Treatment

Chapter 15: Possible Benefits of Prostate Massage

Not only does it feel good, but it can be beneficial to your heath to massage your prostate!  This chapters takes a look at all the ways prostate massage is healthy and important, especially when done regularly, and is backed by a little history as well.

  • How May Prostate Massage Be Beneficial?
  • A Little History
  • Can Massage Help Prevent Prostate Cancer?
  • DIY Prostate Massage for Heath

About the Authors

-My thoughts-

As soon as I saw this book, I knew I had to read it!  Being female and not having a prostate, and having an inexperienced partner made it difficult to know what we were doing when it came to back door fun for him.  We have played around many times, but I wasn’t properly educated and he wasn’t vocal so I never knew if I was doing the right things or not.

My husband isn’t a reader, so I read this book in hopes that I could in turn educate him, and bring him pleasure at the same time.  I loved how easy the book was to follow, and it was easy to relate to even when the tone was directed toward someone stimulating their own prostate.  

There’s a lot of solid information in this book, but one of the things that annoyed me was how a lot of the information was repeated, several times in various chapters.  I understood the reason in some chapters, but in general, I kept feeling like I had read the same thing before, only to thumb back a few chapters and find nearly the exact same information.

Considering my only complaint is about repeat information, I’d say that’s a good thing!  I really think this is a wonderful book for anyone interested in learning more about the prostate, whether you have one or love someone that does.


The front cover of the book instantly gives away what it contains.  The words are boldly shown on the front and your eyes are immediately drawn to the muscular male back that’s shown.

There are no actual photos in this book, and no actual nudity.  That being said, there are illustrations that show the nude form, but it’s done in a tasteful way and isn’t overly detailed.

The book is bound really well and shows very little sign of wear after reading.

This book is available for purchase through Cleis Press, Good Vibrations, and many other places books are sold.


Cleis Press provided this book to me free of charge in exchange for an unbiased review.  This is in compliance with FTC guidelines.

Aug 102013

My husband and I are both very passionate, strong willed people.  Sometimes we push each other to breaking points, but every once in a while we push and pull in the right direction.


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Sinful Sunday

Aug 102013

These are the times when my mind’s left to wander,
unsure how to hold up to the pressure that I’m under.
Waiting. Watching. Just dying to surrender.
But hope is there, it stares me in the face as I ponder;
how we loved so deeply and freely and yet we just let it go.
Just goes to show nothing is life is as it seems.
Screams inside my mind beg to be released;
tempted, and teased, but can never be freed.
Desperate for the times I knew you truly saw me,
but I guess that’s in the past and now it’s over, wasn’t mean to be,
or was it?
At least I still have my memories to haunt me;
break my heart, break my soul, and always taunt me.
I love you now, I loved you then, but I guess it’s just as you say,
‘the beginning has come to an end’.

The hugest challenge I’ve faced in life has been change, both good and bad.  Whether it was developing into a young woman, moving into a new apartment, or learning how to handle the changes I see in my children.  Change is almost always difficult, I think in general we’re all creatures of habit and learning to adapt can feel nearly impossible at times.  But what if the change you’re facing isn’t one you even want to get used to?

That’s what I’ve been facing over the last couple years.

I feel in love with a sensitive, caring, passionate man, and he locked up that part of himself when his mom passed away a few years ago.  It’s a huge change to have someone you’re so deeply connected to throw up walls around themselves and refuse to let you in.  Over the years I’ve seen little pieces of him come back out, but they immediately go into hiding as soon as he feels exposed.  I feel lost.  There are days where it doesn’t affect me, but lately it’s been harder than normal.  I see him every day, but I miss him.  I know those parts of him are still there, but I can’t reach them.  My sensitive, caring, compassionate man has become stubborn, angry, and distant.  There used to be such a tenderness to his eyes when they would meet mine, now eye contact is quick and awkward.

What am I supposed to do?

I want to hold on, I want to ride this wave with him and see if we can recover what we had, but is it even reasonable to desire that?  He says I’m living in the past, but could he have changed so much that those parts of himself no longer exist?  I know he’s scared, I understand why he’s distanced himself, I really do….but am I supposed to be okay with losing my best friend?

I just want him to see me again, see the love I have for him and the love we could still hold on to…