Recently, someone on twitter shared a link that brought up a lot of emotions within me.  The post was titled, “How Fatness Turns Cute Girls into Ugly” and features 28 pages of comparison photos; one side displaying a thinner image, and the other showing the same woman after they gained some weight.  Some of the images show such a small difference that I could hardly tell they had gained weight, and yet, these women were being viewed as ugly by someone simply because their weight had increased.

I was once a cute girl…

and then I gained weight.

This image is of my 17 year old self.  I struggled my whole life with feeling like I was fat, being made fun of because I was a bigger child, and internalize every negative comment I received.  In this photo, I was at my smallest (and didn’t normally wear a hat and sunglasses, they were my boyfriend’s, but they do slightly conceal my face which was why I chose this image).  I weighed 162 lbs and hated every inch of my body.

I didn’t have female friends, I had a bunch of guy friends and every one of them told me I would be the ‘perfect girl’ if I could lose 30-50 lbs.  These were my friends who knew me better than anyone else.  They knew I was a good person, they knew I was fun, we were into the same things, and because I wasn’t skinny, I couldn’t ever be more than a friend in their eyes.  I wasn’t interested in anything more than friendships with them, but it was like a slap in the face.

This photo is about 8 years old and every time I look at it I’m filled with sadness.  I wasn’t fat, I wasn’t ugly, and I would give anything to go back and apologize to myself for the sadness I put myself through.  I believed all the negative comments, and shook my head at every positive thing I was ever told.

I gained weight during my first pregnancy, but lost most of it within the first few months after my daughter was born.  Ever since then it’s been this horrible yo-yo between losing and gaining weight.

I’m not comfortable showing my face on my blog (as of right now), but this image is from earlier this summer where I’m a little more than 100 lbs heavier than the previous image (you’ve probably seen this photo of me before).

Did fatness change me into an ugly person?  Well, I guess that’s all a matter of opinion.  I don’t love my body, but I’m learning to.  I’ve overcome a lot of negative thoughts, have worked through a huge amount of insecurities, and struggle daily with getting negative thoughts out of my mind.

Seeing these woman, displayed in such a way, and being treated like they’re unattractive because they’ve gained a little weight, nearly brought tears to my eyes.  These are real people, with real feelings.  It angers me so much that ANYONE would look down on another person for their physical appearance changing.  Whether it’s from a weight gain, weight loss, or something else, you are more than your appearance!

So, was I a cute girl turned into an ugly girl because of ‘fatness’?  Or am I a good person who loves deeply, tries hard to be a good person/friend, tries to be open-minded and understanding, etc.?  I guess it’s all in how you view things.

In my mind, I guess there’s just more of me to extend love to others, and that’s how I’ll view my transition.  I encourage you all to do the same for yourselves.

Try to always remember, what you say has an impact on others.  Even if they play it off like it doesn’t bother them, hateful words hurt.  Being called names hurts, even if you say you’re joking.  That one seemingly small comment you made to someone, could be the one thing they’ve held onto throughout their lives.  You can make all the difference in the world, it’s up to you whether that difference is positive or negative.  Make the right choice.