The Skin I’m In

One of my biggest challenges as a female is learning to accept myself as I am.  It’s easy to compare myself to other women and to standards that few actually rise to.  I’m far from perfect.  I have stretch marks, cellulite, varicose veins, lopsided breasts, and an array of other imperfections that seem to scream at me every time I look in the mirror.  These issues (and more) have plagued me for most of my life, dating back to pre-school years when my older sister used to pick on me for my chubbiness.

Why?

This is me.  Aside from suddenly inheriting millions of dollars from the passing of some Great Aunt I never knew I had and turning myself plastic, there are a lot of things I can’t change.  Obsessing over things that are out of my control doesn’t change them, it changes me; my view of myself, my attitude, and my overall feelings in general.

The past few years I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and have realized that this negative focus has done nothing but poison me.  I spent too many days feeling ugly because I only wore men’s t-shirts in an attempt to hide myself.  Too many times I was uncomfortable and sweaty in jeans because I was afraid of someone seeing my thighs.  Too many times I would try looking feminine only to give up because I didn’t have women’s clothing, didn’t know how to properly apply makeup, and had no clue what to do with my hair.

Enough already!

This past spring I decided that this was my summer of change!  A few weeks ago, I told my husband I wanted to go out and buy a few women’s shirts, including tank tops.  Now, this might seem like a tiny thing to some, but the last time I wore a tank top was when I was about 100 lbs lighter than I am right now and the last women’s tee I wore was 50 lbs ago.  Sad, when I think about it.  Anyway, my husband provides for five of us, so we don’t exactly have extra money all the time, and being the mommy, I usually allow my wants to be met last.  So, we went to Walmart and I picked up a few Just My Size items to try out.  Clothes shopping is usually depressing for me, and annoying to the man because it puts me in a horrible mood.  Things don’t fit right, I look awkward, the largest size doesn’t fit, etc.  Being a larger woman is really hard sometimes, so avoiding clothes shopping has never been a problem for me.

To my great surprise, three out of four pieces fit me, and the one that didn’t was too large!  My husband breathed a sigh of relief when I walked out of the changing room with a smile on my face!  It was the first time I left a store feeling empowered and genuinely good about myself.  

It’s the little things, right?

The beach is a place we frequent often.  It’s not far from where we live, the kids love it, and my husband and I enjoy beach combing and playing with the kids.  I usually cuff the bottom of my jeans and wear a t-shirt when we go, but today I decided it was time to make another step toward embracing the skin I’m in.  No, I didn’t wear a bathing suit (in fact, I don’t own one), but I did wear a tank top and the shortest shorts I’ve ever worn in public before!  I was comfortable, was able to go out into the water much further than normal, and had an amazing time!  Hard to believe self acceptance could ever feel this good!  To mark my progress, I had my handsome man take this photo of me:

As I said, it’s not like I’m practically naked, but today was major progress toward an important goal!

Don’t obsess with becoming beach body ready; focus on accepting the things you can’t change and love yourself despite them!

*Note*

I am actively working on losing weight (20 lbs down so far), and I certainly am not saying that you shouldn’t try to improve the things you can change.  Be healthy; physically and emotionally!