I don’t remember how old I was the first time I heard about sex toys, but I was 18 when I made my first adult purchase. I don’t exactly remember how the conversation came up, but I know we (my ex husband and I) were both frustrated with how long it would take him to make me cum. Instead of being patient with me, he would get frustrated and it would make it even harder for me to have an orgasm. I thought maybe adding some toys to our sexual experiences would help things out, so we turned on the computer and started shopping.
Neither of us had a clue what to look for or what we might like. I had no idea that there were so many different products and felt instantly overwhelmed by the selection. We weren’t very vocal about our desires, so we kept things really simple. Getting an insertable toy was off limits for me, I think there was a mutual fear that I would enjoy it more than having sex with him (considering how bland sex was for me, though I never told him that), so we stuck with external toys. I recall trying very hard to find things that we could use together, fearing his pride would be bruised if I told him I was interested in something to use on my own.
I knew nothing about material safety, that you needed to be cautious about what you insert anally, and most important for me at the time – that not all products have the same power behind them. We decided on a pocket rocket with various attachments (very similar to this only it also included a sleeve like this with it.), a little mouse vibrator, a basic penis pump, a vibrating c-ring, and some love dice. I wish I remembered the exact company and product names for each, but this was back in 2006 and I have no clue now!
We agreed that we’d open the box together when it came in, and wouldn’t use anything until it was nighttime. My (ex) husband had the day off when the package arrived, immediately brought it upstairs, and we opened it together. All discussion went out the window and he wanted to try everything that very moment. Fortunately, our daughter was napping at the time, and it gave us the chance to check everything out.
Packages were opened, batteries inserted, and buttons were turned on. I wasn’t even aroused since I was a little annoyed that he wasn’t waiting like we had agreed, but tried my best to get into it. The pocket rocket was what he tried on me first, using the totally smooth head. I did start getting nervous and excited, never having experienced anything vibrating against my clit, and couldn’t wait to be blown away.
Sadly, I wasn’t exactly blown away.
I recall closing my eyes and trying hard to focus on the feeling, and finding myself trying not to just use my finger like I was used to. He asked me how it felt and not wanting to disappoint, I told him it felt good. The reality of the situation; it didn’t feel like much of anything and I wanted to run away and just cry. I had built up this image of what it would be like, thinking I could just lay there and allow the orgasm to be drawn from me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He got off after trying out the pump and ring, and I did my best to not look disappointed.
Later that night, I made my way into the bathroom and just cried. I felt like something was wrong with me, that I was broken or somehow messed up in some way. I could bring myself to orgasm with my hands, but someone else touching me there didn’t work, intercourse didn’t work, oral sex took at least 45 minutes to produce a weak orgasm, and now even battery powered objects couldn’t take me there. I was scared of disappointing my husband, worried he would only get more frustrated with me if I told him the truth about how the toys felt, and things in our sex life would just get worse.
I knew he didn’t want me to use anything on my own, but later that week I tried them again. Being by myself took away some of the pressure, but the results weren’t any better. I put the toys in a box, and decided not to bring them up again. If he wanted us to use them, that was fine, but I wasn’t going to fake an orgasm and didn’t want to deal with the shame of not being able to cum.
Oddly enough, the toys were never used again, at least not by me and not by us together. I found them in the same box a few years later when we had decided to get divorced and I was separating our things. I kept the vibrators that were mine, not even really sure why, and gave him the c-ring and penis pump.
A few months later, I tossed the toys. My fingers had done their job so far, I guess they could continue.
Now, looking at where I am now, it would seem odd that I got back into them after having such a pathetic experience. You’ll have to fast forward to me meeting an amazing guy, falling deeply in love, and getting married to understand this part of the story. My new man and I had an amazing sex life. We both took our time pleasing each other and there was an amazing chemistry between us. Though I still had some troubles with him bringing me to orgasm, it wasn’t at all like before. Oral sex was still the only way I could climax apart from doing it myself, but it never took long. The idea of checking out sex toys again was very different this time. I didn’t think of it was a way to doctor our sex life, I looked at it as a way to enhance it and keep our passion strong. I went at it with a new attitude, and I think that made a big difference.
I brought up the idea, and we looked online together. We didn’t purchase super cheap toys, but we didn’t get high end stuff either. Our first order consisted of a Clone A Willy Kit, Icicles No. 2, and a few other small items. Not long after, we purchased a We Vibe II and a set of glass ben wa balls. Though not everything we purchased at first worked out perfectly for us, it was still exciting to try. We went at it with the right attitude; learning new ways to please each other and enjoy the relationship we shared.
Overtime, we learned about material safety, proper care and cleaning, and really educated ourselves. It evolved into a hobby for me, and something my husband enjoyed me being a part of. Overtime I realized that there wasn’t something wrong with me, the toys I bought in the first place were cheap and weak. I needed power in order to climax, and my search was on to find the most powerful toys I could.
My point is, educate yourself and don’t give up if the first toys you get don’t work out for you. It takes a while to figure out what your body responds to, and not everyone will have the same experiences. Try different things to see what will work for you, but try to avoid only purchasing the super cheap products. Chances are, they’re made from unsafe materials an won’t be strong enough. If you ever have any questions or would like some suggestions, I would be glad to help! Feel free to leave a comment here, or shoot me an email!