Aug 082013

Crackers the Cockatrice

- Can be fully customized
- High quality silicone
- Uniquely designed
-  Size king/queen approved
- Smallest size may be too large for a beginner
- Doesn’t come with storage pouch/box




Crackers the Cockatrice is a fantasy dildo made by Bad Dragon.  A Cockatrice is a mythical dragon that walks on two legs and has a rooster’s head.  Bad Dragon has taken this beast, and tamed it just enough so you can have your very own; well, part of it at least.  I can’t say it won’t be a wild ride, but it’s totally worth it!

Wonderful for vaginal use, Crackers has an amazing curve that practically begs to rub against your G-spot.  It fits the female form naturally, and is shaped just right to connect with some of your most sensitive areas.  The head of the toy is more subtle than most which makes it unlikely to catch your pubic bone, but still provides a slight popping sensation while you’re thrusting.

With a large base on the bottom, this toy is totally anal safe.  There are no concerns about the toy slipping inside of you, and it provides a large area to grip.  The curve that works great for G-spot stimulation, should also work well at P-spot pleasure.  Just keep in mind, even the smallest size isn’t beginner friendly when it comes to anal penetration (more on that later), and your personal experience will vary based on anatomy.

While there is a good solid base on the toy, it’s not harness friendly.  The base is really large and I could also see it being difficult to find an o-ring it would work with.  Because the toy is rather thick in the center portion, you’d need to find a ring that would go around that area, without it being too loose where it thins at the bottom.  Even if you did, this is one heavy hunk of silicone, and it might sag a little too much to work well.

Because there are no internal parts, it’s totally safe to take Crackers with you into the tub or shower for some extended relaxation time.  However, due to the size and design of the toy, it’s best to only use it at home (in every room of your house, preferably).  It’s not sized for travel and isn’t at all discreet, so those who easily get embarrassed might want to kiss Crackers goodbye when you leave on vacation.


Made entirely from silicone, this dildo is body-safe, phthalate free, latex free, and an all around great material for an insertable sex toy.  This particular toy has a totally matte surface apart from the shiny bottom.  The matte surface causes less drag and lint attraction than silicone that’s shiny.  While it does pick up some, it’s not unreasonable and can easily be wiped clean.

There’s a lot of texture to this piece; scales, bulges, bumps, and veins cover the entire dildo.  While it is heavily textured, the size and firmness, along with how sensitive you are, will determine how well the texture is felt.  During use, the texture on the head of the toy and the bumps along the side were what I felt the most, but it’s important for me to note that I’m not very sensitive to textures.  If you don’t care for textures as a general rule, Crackers probably isn’t the beast for you, but if you’re not as sensitive to them or prefer something with texture, this should work out well.


How much give and flexibility there is to the toy will depend on how you customized your particular dildo.  When you go to make your purchase, you have the option of choosing one of five options.

  • Soft (3) – which is best for the larger toys
  • Medium (5) – feels pretty realistic, great for small to medium sized toys
  • Firm (8) – will make the texture most obvious, also best for smaller toys
  • Split Firm – shaft of the toy in medium, base of the toy in firm
  • Split Wide – shaft of the toy in soft, base of the toy in firm

The two split options will cost a little extra, but they may be worth it depending on what you’re looking for.  If you’re unsure about which firmness will appeal to you most, Bad Dragon also sells a silicone sample set featuring three discs, one in each firmness, which will give you a better idea of what will work for you.

My Crackers is in a medium firmness and despite being totally unrealistic looking, has a somewhat realistic feel to it.  It has a decent amount of squish and give to it, but also remains firm enough to thrust and offer pressure on the areas that count.  I would imagine the firm probably would feel even more realistic, but I enjoy my toys being a little on the squishy side and this was perfect for me.




Nothing about this toy was designed to look like a human penis, but it would still be obvious to most that this is a dildo.  The overall design is very appealing and the curved shaft instantly made my G-spot stand at attention.  Just looking at the toy I knew it was going to be great for targeted pressure.

Crackers starts off at a reasonable size, but it doesn’t take long for the shaft to swell.  The area just below the head is the widest, but it tapers down again toward the base of the toy.  The shape gives a great full feeling to the vagina, without feeling like it’s stretching the opening during use.

The head of the dildo is somewhat prominent and a sort of soft ‘V’ at the bottom.  It also features a small impression resembling a urethral opening in the tip and has bumps and ridges along the top.  The bottom of the head looks similar in shape to a human penis, but still different enough that it shouldn’t bother someone who would prefer something fanciful.


Along the bottom of the shaft, the center area has a smooth background that’s covered lightly in veins and on either side of that are scales.  They start off large by the tip, and grow smaller as you get closer to the base.  The top of the shaft has rows of bumps that are raised from the toy which can be stimulating during use.  The background of this area has much smaller scales that don’t really add to the stimulation, but certainly add character and detail to the overall design.  It’s an incredibly detailed and attractive dildo.


The base of the toy is totally flat on the bottom, but has a sort of rocky looking design around it.  There are no testicles on the bottom, but there are little ‘spikes’, making the base look armored.  I didn’t get mine in a split firmness, so my whole toy is in a medium, making the base flexible just like the rest of the toy.  Because the base is flat, the dildo can stand on its own on any flat surface.  The toy is a little top heavy, so make sure the base is level or it may tip over.


One of the great things about Bad Dragon, is they offer a variety of sizes for each of their toys.  Along with being whimsical in design, the sizes offered range from average, to really large.  Crackers is available in four sizes, the dimensions are provided below.


Along with these dimensions, the company gives a little breakdown of which size will work for your experience level:

  • Small - Our beginner and recommended vaginal size, comparable to an average human’s penis in length.
  • Medium - An intermediate size, suited for most people wanting something a little bit bigger than ‘human sized’.
  • Large - A pretty large size, suitable for providing a challenge for experienced toy users.
  • Extra Large - Our ‘size queen’ size – suited only to the very experienced and the very stretchy! Pushes at the limit for what’s possible to use.

Untitled-7If you’re not used to any type of penetration, even the smallest sized Crackers will probably be too large for you.  I decided on the medium because I tend to be a bit of a size queen, and was still shocked by how large the toy truly is.  The tips of my fingers don’t even come close to touching at the thickest area of the shaft.

Normally when I hear the word medium I would think of an average penis size.  However, when you’re dealing with dragons, the scale is obviously quite different.  Forget about your previous thoughts on dildo size, ’cause they won’t matter here.  Read the dimensions, consider the firmness, and then make your decision.


Unlike a lot of toy companies, Bad Dragon gives you the opportunity to create a toy that’s totally unique to your tastes and needs.  Earlier I mentioned the size and firmness, but there are other ways to customize your toy.

  • Cumtube – For an additional charge you can add a tube that acts as a urethra for your dildo.  Any time you add this feature, they include a bottle of their cumlube and a syringe, making it look and feel like your dildo is ejaculating.
  • Suction Cup – Rather than having a flat base on your dildo, you can choose to have the bottom turned into a suction cup.  This is great for using your toy hands free when you press it against a clean, flat surface.  This also comes at an additional charge.
  • Colors – The color options are practically limitless!  There is one toy exclusive color option for Crackers, but you can go pretty wild with choosing your own.  You can choose one solid color, split colors (base and shaft different colors), fades, split fades (solid colored base, faded shaft), marbled, etc.  The cost in this area of customizing will vary entirely on your color choices.  Getting a solid color is cheapest (free if you choose one available for Crackers, $5 if you want a solid custom), and it goes up from there with the split fade being the most expensive at $40.

There’s a little disclaimer on the site that says:

Disclaimer: All custom colors will be attempted, but cannot be guaranteed due to the nature of the silicone. Orders cannot be changed after 24 hours from time of purchase. Those who wish to alter their order after the 24 hour period will be charged a 20% restocking fee.

-A couple facts on customizing-

  • The largest size is not available in firm.
  • A small size Crackers cannot have both a cumtube and a suction cup, but both can be chosen for larger sizes.
  • Because these are custom made, expect it to take a little longer to arrive, but know it’s totally worth it.  This page will give you a good idea on what to expect as far as wait times.


Silicone can be cleaned using antibacterial soap and warm water, or your favorite sex toy cleaner.  It can also be sterilized by using a 10% bleach solution, boiling for up to three minutes, or placing it on the top rack of your dishwasher.   The cumtube cannot be removed, but since it’s also made from silicone it’s safe to treat it the same way you would a dildo without one (big thanks to Beck for helping me answer this!).  This is especially important if you’re switching between orifices or sharing with another person.

Silicone is only compatible with water-based lubricants, since others could potentially damage the surface of your toy.  Bad Dragon has two different lubes you can purchase right along with your dildo if you don’t already have some; cumlube that’s white and cumlube that’s clear, though any water-based will work fine with it.

Unfortunately, Crackers doesn’t come with storage, none of their dildos do.  There isn’t a pouch or box or anything to store your toy in.  This is rather inconvenient if you’ve selected a larger size toy, but the smallest one should fit into most large toy pouches.  The medium size and up will need something larger.  A gallon sized Ziploc works for the medium, but I’m not sure it would work for the large and extra large sizes.  A plastic container may be your best option.


Your dragon arrives in a plain brown box, that’s labeled discreetly.  When you open the box, you’ll find your order wrapped in deep purple tissue paper;  a lovely little touch.  The dildo itself comes sealed in a clear plastic bag, but isn’t initially in view as soon as the box is opened thanks to the paper.  Bad Dragon often includes little extras, so don’t be surprised if you find a sample disc, some buttons, minis, etc.  My box contained lots of extra goodies that I wasn’t expecting, and I felt like a kid on Christmas opening it up.  The extras that arrive in your package may vary, but these were the items included in mine.



First I have to say that I’ve lusted over Bad Dragon toys for a few years now, but having a family and all the financial responsibilities made it impossible for me to obtain any of their toys.  Something was mentioned on twitter recently, and I joked about how I was a poor Mommy and someday I would be able to get one of these amazing toys.  The next thing I know, the Bad Dragon twitter account replied, telling me they would send me the dildo of my choice, for free.  I was floored!  I certainly wasn’t trying to get any attention by my comment, but they saw a need and filled it for me.

Discussing what dildo would be right for me, was an awesome experience.  They were great about explaining the sizes and different firmness options available to me.  I was torn between a small and a medium, and after discussion and much debate, I chose the medium size, in the medium firmness.  They already had a Crackers in the size and firmness I wanted, and I loved the color; it was meant to be!

Before shipping it out, they mentioned a small dimple in the silicone toward the base of the toy.  You can see it in some of the images.  It’s not something that effects how the toy is used, but they were thoughtful enough to mention it to me prior to shipping to make sure it was okay with me.  I was shocked at how thoughtful and attentive they were, especially considering they offered this toy to me at no charge.

My Crackers arrived about a week later and I was instantly amazed at the detail of the toy and all the extras they had included.  After taking photos and washing my toy, I was ready to try it out.  The largest dildo I had used prior to this was 2″ in diameter, and I was a little nervous if this was going to work for me.  I made sure I was nicely relaxed, aroused, and fully lubricated, and allowed Crackers to break my dragon cherry.

I was instantly overwhelmed by the amazingly full feeling this toy provided.  The shape of the toy easily rubbed my G-spot and provided a totally unique experience for me.  I was a little overly excited at first and felt discomfort for only a moment as the largest area of the toy was inserted, but after that it was amazing.  I highly recommend warming up for a while prior to inserting, especially if you’re not used to using something of this size.

While this isn’t a dildo I’ll use every day, it certainly will be the one I reach for when I’m looking for a deliciously full feeling (which happens quite often).  The quality of the dildo is extremely impressive, and this certainly won’t be the last dragon I allow into my bedroom!  If you’re looking for something whimsical, or at least not realistic, check out Bad Dragon.  They’re a great company that wants to give you the toy that will work best for you!


This toy was provided to be free of charge, but only because they’re a badass company!


  12 Responses to “Review: Crackers the Cockatrice from Bad Dragon”

  1. It’s so beautiful! Congratulations, that was so incredibly sweet of them! I’m glad you enjoyed it; I’m thinking of ordering one but I’m nervous.
    Thank you for such a thorough review, and I can’t wait to see him in future Toy With Me Tuesdays!

    • What are you nervous about?

      • Bad Dragon’s toys look amazing but I don’t know about the textures. I have my eye on a few and I’m reading up on them, but in the end I’ll still have to take a chance and see. If I pick the right toy though, it should be thrilling!

  2. It’s okay for me to say that I want YOUR Crackers in my ass right? Or is that not politically correct? :-P GREAT REVIEW!!

  3. What a stunning colour! A friend of mine has the large Crackers and I couldn’t imagine trying that thing – it’s enormous. The medium looks very nice though…

    • I also couldn’t imagine using a size large in this toy! The medium is on the large side for me, but I love it!

  4. I absolutely love your color choice for this toy. It’s really beautiful. The squishiness of the toy looks as good as gummy bears! And the texture of it…simply speechless.

  5. I too am the proud owner of a medium size, medium firmness Crackers. As a man I can say that his curve is amazing for prostate stimulation. Of my two Bad Dragon toys (the other being Clayton the Earth Dragon) he is my favorite, as well as my favorite toy overall.

    • That’s great to hear! I’m so glad that the size and shape works well in that way also. Naturally, not having a prostate I wasn’t able to test that, but with how it worked for the G-spot, I can’t say I’m surprised! Thanks so much for your comment!

  6. This is a great review. And it has some of the best pictures I’ve ever seen for a BD toy. They show all the details very nicely.


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