Jul 052013

One of my biggest challenges as a female is learning to accept myself as I am.  It’s easy to compare myself to other women and to standards that few actually rise to.  I’m far from perfect.  I have stretch marks, cellulite, varicose veins, lopsided breasts, and an array of other imperfections that seem to scream at me every time I look in the mirror.  These issues (and more) have plagued me for most of my life, dating back to pre-school years when my older sister used to pick on me for my chubbiness.


This is me.  Aside from suddenly inheriting millions of dollars from the passing of some Great Aunt I never knew I had and turning myself plastic, there are a lot of things I can’t change.  Obsessing over things that are out of my control doesn’t change them, it changes me; my view of myself, my attitude, and my overall feelings in general.

The past few years I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and have realized that this negative focus has done nothing but poison me.  I spent too many days feeling ugly because I only wore men’s t-shirts in an attempt to hide myself.  Too many times I was uncomfortable and sweaty in jeans because I was afraid of someone seeing my thighs.  Too many times I would try looking feminine only to give up because I didn’t have women’s clothing, didn’t know how to properly apply makeup, and had no clue what to do with my hair.

Enough already!

This past spring I decided that this was my summer of change!  A few weeks ago, I told my husband I wanted to go out and buy a few women’s shirts, including tank tops.  Now, this might seem like a tiny thing to some, but the last time I wore a tank top was when I was about 100 lbs lighter than I am right now and the last women’s tee I wore was 50 lbs ago.  Sad, when I think about it.  Anyway, my husband provides for five of us, so we don’t exactly have extra money all the time, and being the mommy, I usually allow my wants to be met last.  So, we went to Walmart and I picked up a few Just My Size items to try out.  Clothes shopping is usually depressing for me, and annoying to the man because it puts me in a horrible mood.  Things don’t fit right, I look awkward, the largest size doesn’t fit, etc.  Being a larger woman is really hard sometimes, so avoiding clothes shopping has never been a problem for me.

To my great surprise, three out of four pieces fit me, and the one that didn’t was too large!  My husband breathed a sigh of relief when I walked out of the changing room with a smile on my face!  It was the first time I left a store feeling empowered and genuinely good about myself.  

It’s the little things, right?

The beach is a place we frequent often.  It’s not far from where we live, the kids love it, and my husband and I enjoy beach combing and playing with the kids.  I usually cuff the bottom of my jeans and wear a t-shirt when we go, but today I decided it was time to make another step toward embracing the skin I’m in.  No, I didn’t wear a bathing suit (in fact, I don’t own one), but I did wear a tank top and the shortest shorts I’ve ever worn in public before!  I was comfortable, was able to go out into the water much further than normal, and had an amazing time!  Hard to believe self acceptance could ever feel this good!  To mark my progress, I had my handsome man take this photo of me:


As I said, it’s not like I’m practically naked, but today was major progress toward an important goal!

Don’t obsess with becoming beach body ready; focus on accepting the things you can’t change and love yourself despite them!


I am actively working on losing weight (20 lbs down so far), and I certainly am not saying that you shouldn’t try to improve the things you can change.  Be healthy; physically and emotionally!


Jul 052013

Ella by Lelo

- Body safe material
- Dual ended
- Beginner friendly
- Unassuming design
- Not anal safe
- Pointy (one end)
- Too basic for some



Elegant and sophisticated, Lelo’s Ella  was made to please!  Great for beginners and advanced users alike, Ella is a slender dildo that’s designed to keep the focus on targeted stimulation, rather than providing a full feeling.  Each end of the toy is shaped differently and provides a different sensation; making it like having two toys in one!

This beautiful toy is best used for solo play, but certainly can be used with a partner as well.  This toy is quite firm considering it’s made from silicone, so do be careful when thrusting.  Aggressive thrusting could possibly bruise the cervix (putting your vagina out of commission for a while) so don’t be afraid to be verbal with your partner if they’re causing you discomfort.

Ella is best used vaginally, though experienced anal players might be able to use it.  Being that there isn’t a real flared base to the toy, you do need to use caution.  The curved design of the toy should prevent it from accidentally slipping inside of you, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.


Ella is made from body-safe silicone which is one of the safest materials for a sex toy.  Silicone is non-porous, latex free, and phthalates free; all great reasons to select this material above others.

The surface of this dildo is buttery smooth and unlike many silicone toys, this one doesn’t have any drag and doesn’t attract much lint.  It has a matte finish which helps give it the silky feeling which, in my opinion,  feels so much nicer than the shiny silicone that tends to feel tacky to the touch.

Ella is very firm and doesn’t have any give when you squeeze it in your hands.  The narrowest area of the toy does have some movement to it.  You can slightly bend the toy back and forth and side to side, but it does take a little bit of effort.  The rigidity of the toy is great for providing firm pressure against your G-spot, while having just enough give in the neck of the toy to prevent it from potentially causing discomfort.

There isn’t an  obvious texture to the toy (certainly not ribbed or something similar), but the design itself prevents it from being totally bland feeling.  Someone who’s texture sensitive shouldn’t be bothered by it since it’s not very prominent, but it’s still much better than a totally straight toy.  On either side of the plain end, the word ‘LELO’ is imprinted in the silicone.  You probably won’t be able to feel it during use, but you do need to make sure you clean the areas well since lubricant and bodily fluids could get trapped there.


The look of this toy is what really drew me in; Ella was obviously designed with the female anatomy in mind.  This dildo is available on Toy Box Under The Bed in both Rose and Black.  The rose coloring is attractive, but reminds me more of a deep magenta than that of a rose.

On one end, you have the obvious G-spot seeker.  The hooked end features a broad tip that’s great for rubbing directly against your sweet spot.  Don’t know where yours is?  This great dildo is sure to help you find it!  While it might not cause you to wake the neighbors from your earth shattering orgasms, Ella will certainly help familiarize you with your body.

The opposite end is a little more basic, though not boring like some straight dildos.  The tip comes to a rounded point which is great for those that aren’t used to penetration since it’s very easy to insert.  This end gets wider almost instantly before narrowing at the neck of the toy.

Both the straight and hooked ends are easy to hold during penetration and the lightweight feeling of the toy prevents your hands and wrists from tiring during use.

The full size of the toy is 7″ in length with roughly 5″ of that being insertable.  The diameter of the hooked end is 1″ and the opposite end is 1 1/4″ at the widest area.  This is a fairly petite dildo, and while it might fall short for the size queens, it’s great for those that prefer slimmer toys and for beginners.

Because Ella isn’t realistic looking, it’s far more discreet than a lot of dildos.  While this toy probably couldn’t pass for anything other than a sex toy (or maybe a massage tool), it certainly shouldn’t embarrass you like a phallic toy might.  The elegant look doesn’t attract attention, making it a great toy to travel with, or to own if you have roommates.


Silicone is one of those great materials that is so easy to clean!  After regular use, you can simply clean with an antibacterial soap and warm water, or your favorite sex toy cleaner; easy peasy.  If you’re planning on sharing with someone else, you’ll want to sterilize it.  This can be done by boiling it in water for up to three minutes, wiping it down with a 10% bleach solution, or by putting it on the top rack of your dishwasher.

Ella is very smooth and comfortable to insert, but you might find you need a little lube to help things slip in and move a little easier.  This toy is compatible only with water-based lubricants.  Other lube types might cause the surface of the toy to degrade, so it’s best to stick with water-based than chance ruining your toy.

This dildo comes with a little pouch which makes it really easy and convenient to store.  The pouch itself is black and quite durable.  It closes easily with a drawstring and has a little tag on the outside that has the company name on it.  Apart from the tag, the pouch looks very discreet and is sized perfectly for the toy.


 Ella arrives in a very attractive and durable black box that’s surrounded by thin cardboard that shows you an image of the toy on one side, the company name on the other, and gives you key points about the product and what it contains.  The outer box is not discreet, but that part can be removed and recycled.  The inner box only has the company name on the top, nothing else gives away what it contains.

Once you open the black box, there’s a clear plastic covering over the toy and it’s in full view.  Once that’s removed you can get to the toy.  The plastic it’s housed in fits the toy perfectly and prevents it from moving around inside the box.  That plastic tray needs to be removed in order to get to the other goodies that are included with your dildo.

A storage pouch, lubricant sample, user guide, and authenticity card are also included.  The lubricant is water-based and is made by Lelo themselves, the user guide gives you all the important information you need to know in several different languages, and the authenticity card is what you use to register your toy and activate your one year warranty.

The box or pouch can be used as storage.  If space is an issue for you, it might be wise to recycle the box itself (by either breaking it down and putting into your recycle bin, or by reusing it for something else) and use the included storage pouch.
Untitled-5  -Experience-

Considering how simple Ella really is, I am impressed with the way it preforms.  I will openly admit I’m still on a quest to achieve the elusive G-spot orgasm, and while Ella doesn’t take me there, it certainly does stimulate all the right areas.  The hooked end may cause a problem for some because it could get a little hung up on your pelvic bone, but it didn’t really cause an issue for me.  I found the slender design to be quite nice with this toy since your focus is directed on the stimulation.

It’s not my favorite toy, but it’s nice and works just as well as you would expect.  Lelo takes a lot of pride in the quality of their products, and this is no exception.  If you’re looking for a toy to help stimulate your G-spot, but aren’t sure what will work for you, give Ella a shot.  With two different ends, you’re more likely to find some way that this toy will work for you.

Ella can be found at Toy Box Under The Bed, and entering ‘POTTER‘ into the discount box at checkout will get you an extra 10% off!